My princess

Last night, I danced with my little girl at a wedding.  I had not done that before with her.  It’s one of those moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.  It completely took me by surprise.  She had me melting in her arms.

 

Pageants are dumb.

Miss North Carolina (Miss USA 2009)

Miss CA

I don’t think I’ve ever watched a pageant show all the way before. Never had a desire to sit through a show where people judge hot girls and give them a score based on their ass-to-waist ratio. This is not because I am some conservative religious person who thinks women should not display their bodies on TV. I am all for T&A in movies. Hell I think we Americans are a little too up-tight about T&A in movies but that’s another blog.

My problem with beauty pageants is that in the year 2009 it just seems dumb. Yes, it’s somebody’s beautiful daughter up there trying to fulfill her long awaited dream to become a beauty pageant queen but I still think walking on stage showing your “talent” to be judged is something that makes me want to tell my daughter “Honey, you can do so much better than walk on stage and get a score from some moron”

What pissed me off the most last week is what happened to Miss CA with her question from a gay judge. Clearly, the judge set her up to fail one way or the other. You ask a person’s opinion and you get an opinion. There is no right or wrong opinion. You can’t give Miss CA a low score because her opinion differs from yours. You asked her a politically charged question. I am surprised she did not answer with a middle of the road make-everyone-happy answer to save her perfectly shaped butt. She went with “this is how I was raised” and “this is what I believe”.

And the gayer than gay judge DID NOT like her answer. My personal views aside on the gay-marriage matter, you can’t fail a person in a competition for an opinion. I think the entire part of the competition where they are asked questions about some issue is dumb. Who cares what they think about world peace, or rain-forests, or global-warming, or the price of beans in Guatemala? To me that’s like the Oscars where they give away the trophies to people for best mini drama series for some foreign short film I’ll never see. It’s come to the point where people watch the question-answer part to see how dumb the girls can get.

I actually liked her answer in the sense that she was honest. I don’t agree with it but it’s an honest answer.   And she was hotter than Miss NC.  Based purely on their Bikini shots (which I think should be the only category), CA should have won Miss USA.

Eye candy

All soccer games were cancelled this weekend.  Without soccer on the weekend, I was bored most of the time.  I had to finish my ever exciting defensive driving class on line to save myself a few bucks in insurance and ticket costs.  After 6 hours of mind numbing traffic rules and “this is how you will die if you drink and drive” I decided to trim the tree outside.  I don’t know what primitive instinct drives me to get the saw and cut off a tree but at least once a year I get the urge to trim something in the yard. This time it was the poor Bradford pear in the front yard. I started cutting small limbs that were hanging low but soon, I had hacked off most of the lower part of the tree. I sure hope the trash dudes don’t throw poop at my house after they see what I left for them for tomorrow.

Watched this movie Friday night alone (the wife was not in the mood for an action flick). I wanted it to be good and original instead it came out to be a Matrix-want-to-be movie which in my book is a cardinal sin since I am a huge fan of the Matrix trilogy.

I loved the action and chase scenes and Angelina (who I think can do no wrong) was perfect for her role as eye candy for 40 year old guys like meself. Even a shot of her rear end did not quite save the movie from going into the annals of so-so action flicks. I guess the other thing that ruined the movie for me was the fact that the main character James McAvoy was Mr Tummus the half-goat man in Narnia (which happens to be one of my favorite movies). So the whole time I was thinking of the half-goat man shooting up the bad guys and kicking ass. This mental image has always stuck with me whenever I watch McAvoy in any movie (Atonement).

Matrix is the only movie where bullets are supposed to travel in slow motion. Any other movie that copies that is well…a copy. And Angelina… You still rock after all those babies.

My motivational story for the day

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Open Sesame?

I think this is funny as hell. Dr. Ali Baba the OBGYN.

He sits down in front of his patient and I wonder if he ever says “Open Sesame open!”

Arlington Resort

I once stayed in a “resort” that had a shower not much different from this.  I stayed at the Arlington Resort in downton Hot Springs.  As part of our spa package, we were offered a massage treatment in their spa.

After my massage with Buford the blind massage dude, I was asked to relax in a hot tub with a propeller sticking in it. This propeller was attached to an electric motor hanging from the ceiling. The tub was mostly yellow with stains and the engine was so loud there was no way imaginable to relax. What made it even funnier was half way through my session in the tub, one of the guys came and dipped a cup in the water I was stewing in and offered me to drink it. Apparently it has some sort of healing powers due to its mineral content. “No thanks” I kindly declined.

Baby poop

This is my new niece Kayra back home in Istanbul.  Baby girl of the twins.

Stage 1:  Angel

Stage 2:  I love the way babies yawn.

Stage 3:  ”Oh, I think I am going to finish this yawn with a load”

Stage 4: Take off initiated.

Stage 5:  There it goes…boosters engaged.

Stage 6: Final thrusters

Final stage: Damn I am tired.

It’s amazing how a baby can put that much effort into taking a poop and sleep through the whole thing.  Now that I am 40, it really pisses me off that I have to get up @ 5:00 AM to take a leak.  No one told me about that.